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  • Writer's pictureLexy Davis

How To Be Authentically YOU & Release Shame!

Hi, you're really freaking cute & I'm so glad you're here!!!

Sooooo why are we so afraid to be seen for who we are? For our truest versions of ourselves. The completely imperfect, weird, goofy, klutzy, gas-ey, sassy, shirt full of toothpaste stains and all the other beautiful authentic parts of ourselves.

I have a huge secret for you!!!

It’s going to blow your mind 🤯😶‍🌫️

Everyone carries shame and unwanted parts of themselves, I know you're shocked!!! You thought your shameful parts were only yours. I think it’s funny how we create these massive stories and hold ourselves back from so much, because of the fear of being seen for all the normal humanness things that we all experience. Like who taught us this?

So if we all experience shame, then why are we nervous?!? It’s truly fascinating to me.

We’re so scared of being different, but why? (You'll see I love asking why to everything)! Just because we’re different, doesn’t mean we can’t love each other! Just because we may be different, doesn’t mean one is better than the other! Just because we may be different, doesn’t mean we can’t be friends and laugh together! Do you pick up what I’m putting down mon amies (friends in French)!

I realized I feared the perception of how others see me. The more me I am, the less control I have of their perception of me 😱

If I stayed shape shifting myself to everyone around me, claiming I liked the same things (when I didn't), buying something that they would buy (even if I hated it), filtering my words/ silly voices/ weird accents in fear of them rejecting me, wearing bras to please society and so on... then I stay in "control" by being just like them. If I am like them, then I know they will like me. This feels safe for me. So I thought...

I got tired of these of tinie weenie unsatisfactory boxes that we are *subliminally* told to cram ourselves into. Which no one ever truly fits in, whether your cellulite sticks out or your hairy arms/back or your emotions pour out your sleeve or you only make enough money to scrape by or too childish or you are queer or too loud or have acne or I could go on for years hahah you will always have something (and if you’re like me you’ll have thousands of ways) you don’t fit the mold of society.

You’re too much x,y,s or not enough — everyone has plenty of reasons they can list off for me, I’m sure. We’re conditioned to find our flaws. To hide our uniqueness. It makes me sad how quickly we can list our insecurities, but when I ask you to give me 10 reasons why you love yourself, you might look at me like a deer in headlights.

It's SO NORMAL!! When do you see an advertisement that tells you to love your wrinkles, love your psoriasis, love you belly rolls, love your shyness, love your sensitivity and so on! We aren't taught to love those parts of ourselves, we are taught that we're broken and buy this to fix it.

What if you were enough.

Entertain this thought for me.

Reach deep within & find your playful inner child,

And find your imagination mind cloak and picture who you’d be if you were enough, JUST as you are.

Remember your child self, those moments when you would funkily (yup I like making up words) walk down the grocery store aisle and make silly faces at strangers, or would wear your superman cape to school, would go up to kids you didn't know on the playground and ask them to play pretend spaceship! When you we're fully in the present, embracing YOU. Not judging yourself for the wants you desire, not scared to express your quirks and joy, and be unapologetically honest. Take a moment and day dream about those silly little quirks you had as a kid!

Let's also just get real for a second (as if I haven't been real this whol time lol). WHO DOESN'T LOVE TO PLAY AND BE SILLY?!?!

Here are some other ways society has been secretly telling you to not be yourself:

  • You're living a life with goals that aren’t in alignment with who you are. You’re chasing these goals, because you think you should

  • The "outkast" in movies is always someone that is different, putting fear in us to be unique

  • People-pleasing is one of the most pedastooled accomplishments, if you're kind and a yes man then you are a good person

  • Work places having specific dress codes

  • The countless stigmas we have around money, sex, suicide, mental health, pain, and so much more

  • Professional smeshamal, am I right?!? Who the fuck decided eating in a meeting or call is rude??? To fuel my body with energy is disrespectful to your soulless heart? It’s unprofessional to put smiley faces in my emails ??? I’m sorry I forgot experiencing joy and pleasure is not a basic human right and need. My bad, my bad, how dare I do such an awful thing for myself. It definitely hurts you, when I infect you with my radiant light that makes you smile.

So I said nuhh uhh, I am no longer conforming. I am no longer hiding. I am no longer being who I am not. I am no longer following these unspoken rules. I AM NO LONGER SELF SACRIFICNG. Here, in this massive mindset shift, is where I experienced a piece of liberation. Ahh the decidant taste of no longer seeking validation from others, no longer lying to myself and no longer being powerless. Honey you gotta try this. You gonna like it 😋

Reminder: not being yourself is conditioning from society and outsourcing your validation/safety/security/love

Wanna try to deprogram your mind a bit and experience some freedom?!

Here lets tackle one of your shadows/ shame/ darker parts of self together:

Body Shame:

What is your shame story when it comes to your physical body? Where do you feel shame? Let's figure out where the root is!

Grace reminders before you dive in

---no one can do this work for you, your life is in your hands. You must take radical responsibility for making changes

---shame only lives in the darkness and quiet, the more we speak it out loud and shine light on it the quicker it loses its power

---we ALL have shame & when we become aware of the stories we carry, then we can heal them and that helps others heal too by being able to show them how

---marketing/diet industry feeds off our shame

---before and after photos tell us to shame our "before" bodies

---you are loved, you are whole and perfect just as you are

Getting to the root of your shame:

---Journal about where you learned to shame and hide this part of your body. Try and remember as many people, sceanrios, movies, etc that taught you this message

---How do you parents/the people that raised treat this part of their body? Does anyone else in your family sturggle with this same issue?

---Have you ever told anyone about it?

---Is there anyone you can think of that embraces this part of themselves? That is shame-free about this area in their life?

---Go find a podcast (check out mine Heart Snuggles 😉), book, instagram account, blog or any sort of resource on how you can start to love this part of you

---Create a new mantra/ affirmation that is the oppositre of what you currently think (Example: I hate my hairy arms. New mantra: I love my arms exactly like they are and grateful they make me different)

---You gotta give yourself what you're seeking. You gotta lift yourself up and ask for support. You gotta look internally to feel whole (not externally in others)

What happens when my fears become a reality and someone makes fun of me?

---Shake it off, literally stand up and shake your body like a spider just crawled on you and you want to get it off. Shaking activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which signals the brain to calm, relax and let go. Also, it awakens the lymphatic system of our body, which helps our body get rid of the toxins.

---Remember your why! Remember that your opinion about yourself is superior to anyone elses

---Call a friend and have them remind you how magnificent you are

---Write a love letter to yourself, saying all the things you wish someone would tell you right now

---Hurt people, hurt people is an excuse for the mean ppl, so call them out!! Just because they are hurt doesn't mean you have to be the punching bag for them. Tell them how they are making you feel and take space if you need!

---Breath. Breath. Breath. Calm your nervous system, tell your body it is safe. Nurture yourself. Fill your cup back up 💛

Wee little poem I wrote below :)

Alrighty lovely, this was fun! Please email me ( or dm me on the gram and let me know how you're going to be more YOU!!

If you're looking for some nonjudgemental support to go deeper into this self-discovery work with some fun and compassionate accountability, then I'd love to do some transformational 1-on-1 coaching with you!

Check out Your Integrated Self or Single One Hour Session or book in a free 20 min discovery call here :)






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